Overcoming the Fear of Failure in Business and Life.

Hey Lovely! Happy Monday!

We're all friends here, right? So, I'm going to open up about something we all face but rarely talk about openly - the fear of failure. It's that chilling whisper in our ear, the shadow that clouds our brightest intentions, and let's be honest, it's an uninvited guest in our journey through both business and life.

You see, every so often - be it every six months, a year, or somewhere in between - I find myself in a mental tug-of-war with this fear. I'm talking about those days when even the simplest task feels like moving a mountain. When just thinking about drafting a blog post, working on a current project, or even posting on social media for "Dreamers, Setters & Go-Getters" triggers a wave of anxiety that washes over me, leaving me gasping for air.

There was this one time when everything was lining up perfectly, ideas were blooming, and then... it hit me. The paralysis. It's as if my brain decided to go on strike at the most crucial moment! Instead of riding the momentum, I stumbled into a pit of self-doubt, questioning every decision, every goal, and truthfully, my entire path. Was I good enough? Was this all a big mistake?

But here's the thing, lovely - I know I'm not alone in this. We've all been there in one form or another, haven't we? That overwhelming fear of failure isn’t just about making mistakes; it's about our dreams, our worth, and the heart we put into our ambitions. It’s personal.

In this space, where we share and grow together, I want to dive deep into this all-too-human experience. Because beyond the fear, through the thorns, lies a path we're all seeking. One of acceptance, bravery, and maybe, just maybe, a little bit of that dream-come-true magic. ✨

My Encounter with the Fear of Failure:

There's something inherently terrifying about silence, especially in a world that equates noise with success and visibility with value. My fear of failure, that ever-present shadow, recently pushed me into a quiet so profound that I found myself disengaged from everything I had built, everything I believed in.

It started subtly, insidiously. First, I missed one post on social media, then another. Before I knew it, eight weeks had passed without a single update from me. But the silence didn't stop there. My blog, my pride, and the platform through which I connected with all of you, remained untouched. No words, no reassurance, nothing for five long months. The weekly emails, which I had poured my heart into, ceased.

Why? Because I was scared. Petrified, really.

Every time I sat down to write or share, a voice whispered that it wasn't good enough, that I wasn't good enough. The expectations, both personal and from those invisible judges on social media, weighed me down. I was sinking, drowning in a sea of self-doubt and crippling anxiety. It was self-sabotage in its purest form.

The guilt of not connecting, not sharing, not being 'present' was like a chain around my ankles. I sank into a deep depression, convinced that I'd sabotaged my dream beyond repair. Thoughts of giving up on entrepreneurship clouded my mind, taunting me with the bleak prospect of returning to a full-time job, a world rife with its own anxieties and soul-crushing routines.

But this cycle of fear, avoidance, guilt, and depression taught me something crucial. It highlighted the fragile line we walk between pursuing our passions and falling prey to the pressures around us. The 'likes', the comments, the engagement rates - they're not the barometer of our worth or potential.

I'm sharing this because I know for a fact that I'm not the only one struggling with these demons. The fear of failure is a collective nightmare, especially in a world that's constantly watching, waiting for your next step, your next big hit.

The ‘What Ifs’: Identifying the Source of Fear:

Isn't it fascinating and, admittedly, quite frightening how our minds are wired to conjure up a series of cataclysmic outcomes for every big decision we face? These 'what ifs' are sneaky, creeping into our thoughts and turning excitement and ambition into dread.

For me, the source of fear was a cocktail of several haunting thoughts:

What if I disappoint those who believe in me? The thought of seeing a look of disappointment on the faces of my family, friends, or you, my wonderful community, was unbearable. For me, personally, it’s more a case of “What if I prove those that don’t believe in me, right?”.

What if I face financial ruin? Every investment in my business felt like a high-stakes bet. The possibility of financial instability wasn’t just a fear; it felt like a looming promise.

What if I lose my sense of identity? So much of who I am is intertwined with my dreams and work. Failing in my business felt synonymous with failing as a person.

What if this is my only shot at happiness? This was perhaps the most personal and deeply entrenched fear. I'd equated my business's success with my only chance at true fulfillment and happiness.

Identifying these 'monsters under the bed' was an uncomfortable process, but oh so necessary. I needed to understand what was holding me back to confront it. It was like turning on the light in a scary room. The monsters were still there, but they weren’t as formidable as they seemed in the dark.

I learned that these fears, these paralysing 'what ifs,' are stories we tell ourselves, born from our insecurities, past experiences, and, yes, societal pressures. But here's the kicker - they're just that: stories. And the beautiful thing about stories? They can be rewritten.

In facing these 'what ifs,' I took the first crucial step towards change. I began the gradual process of untangling the fears from my reality and recognising that they were barriers, not predictions of my future. It was only by understanding these anxieties that I could start the real work of addressing them, challenging them, and eventually, stripping them of their power over me.

Shifting Perspectives: Understanding Failure as a Stepping Stone:

Now, let's chat about a little secret, shall we? Here it is: everybody fails. From your neighbour to the most successful people you can think of. The difference lies in perception. While society often paints failure with a broad brush of shame, it's genuinely one of our most effective learning tools.

Take it from J.K. Rowling, who once said, "It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all—in which case, you fail by default." Before Harry Potter took the world by storm, Rowling faced numerous rejections that would have stopped many in their tracks. But she understood something crucial—every 'no' edged her closer to that ground-breaking 'yes.'

And let’s not forget the legendary Michael Jordan. He was cut from his high school basketball team, missed more than 9,000 shots, and lost over 300 games. In his words, "I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

So, what's the common thread here? These individuals didn’t just accept failure; they embraced it. They understood that failure wasn't the opposite of success, but a part of the journey towards it.

In my journey, redefining failure was a game-changer. It wasn’t about lowering my standards but about recognising that each setback was a set-up for a comeback. It's all about perspective. Failure could either be the 'end of the world' or a gold mine of valuable insights, depending on how you choose to see it.

The path from where you are to where you want to be is not a straight line. It’s a squiggly mess of experiences, including some failures that provide new angles, understanding, and depth to your journey. They say smooth seas don’t make skilled sailors, right? Well, a journey without challenges doesn’t make a triumphant entrepreneur.

As we move forward, let’s agree on something: let's give ourselves permission to fail. Because in the grand scheme of things, it isn't the falling down that matters, it's the staying down that does the real damage. Every time we pick ourselves up, we’re not starting from scratch; we’re starting from experience. And that, my dear friends, is invaluable.

Practical Steps: Strategies I Used to Overcome My Fear:

Navigating through the murky waters of fear is no easy task, let me tell you that. Overcoming the fear of failure required more than just motivational quotes and positive affirmations; it demanded action. So, I want to share the actual, tangible steps I took to claw my way out of that stifling space.

• Embracing Mindset Shifts: It all started in the mind. I had to rewire my thought process to understand that failure wasn’t a scarlet letter but rather a badge of courage. It meant I tried; I dared. I used the power of visualisation (as we've talked about in previous posts) to picture myself not as a 'failure' but as a 'learner' or an 'experimenter.' This shift was monumental in steering away from fear.

• Therapy - No Longer a Taboo: Yes, I’m saying it out loud - I sought help. Speaking with a professional gave me a neutral perspective and equipped me with coping mechanisms that were tailored for me. It was therapy that helped me understand my fear's roots were deeper than just my business endeavours.

• The Power of Journaling: You might think it's all mumbo-jumbo until you try it. Writing down my fears took away their power or, at least, diluted it. It made them tangible, and guess what? What's tangible can be managed. The trick here was to write down not just what I feared, but also why I feared it.

• Mentorship and Guidance: Sometimes, you need someone who’s been there, done that, and gotten the t-shirt. I reached out to seasoned entrepreneurs within my network, attending numerous online networking events and webinars. Hearing their tales of trials, tribulations, and triumphs made me feel less alone and underscored the universality of failure in any success story.

• Physical Health = Mental Strength: I’m not going to preach about fitness, but I am going to tell you that taking care of my body, be it through yoga, running, or dancing around in my living room, created a positive ripple effect. When I was physically active, my mind seemed to don a pair of rose-coloured glasses, making everything appear a bit more manageable.

• What Didn’t Work - A Journey of Trial and Error: Not everything was smooth sailing. I tried a host of other strategies like rigorous routine setting, extreme positivity, and 'hustle culture' adherence, but they just left me burnt out. I learnt that it's not about plastering cracks but about building resilience to live with them.

Remember, what works for one might not work for another. Overcoming the fear of failure is a deeply personal journey, and it's all about finding your unique blend of strategies. Be patient with yourself and understand that it's all part of the process. There's no 'one-size-fits-all' solution here.

The Power of Community: Getting Support on My Journey:

If there's one truth I've learned on this rollercoaster journey of entrepreneurship and self-discovery, it's this: we are not meant to go through it alone. There's an indescribable strength that comes from being part of a community that understands your fears, embraces your failures, and still encourages you to keep going.

• Finding My Tribe: Remember my action paralysis phase? The one that nearly toppled all I had built? I wasn't breaking free from that alone. It was reaching out to fellow dreamers and entrepreneurs, engaging in heartfelt conversations, sharing our setbacks, and celebrating our little victories that brought back light into my tunnel. And, oh, the relief of seeing those knowing nods when you share your story, confirming you're not the only one!

• Mentors - The Guiding Lights: Here's a shoutout to those brave souls who dared to tread first and were kind enough to leave a trail. My mentors weren't just my lighthouse; they were the tug boats that guided me through rough waters. Their experiences, shared without sugar-coating the failures, were my first hand guides that there's life and success beyond the crippling fear.

• Support Groups - Shared Journeys, Lighter Hearts: When I finally mustered up the courage to join entrepreneurial support groups, it was like finding pieces of me scattered around in different people. We were all different, yet echoes of the same fears, the same dreams, and the same determination resonated in our stories. The "it's okay, me too" sentiment within these groups is potent enough to break any spell of isolation or despair.

• Building Our Safe Haven - Dreamers, Setters & Go-Getters: Knowing how vital these connections were, I couldn't keep it all to myself. That's why I created our community, our tribe, our safe haven. Whether it's our lively discussions on social media or the deeply reflective conversations on our forums, we've got a world of support ready for you. You're not just a member; you're a vital piece of this puzzle.

• The Courage to Reach Out: It's a bit ironic, isn't it? We fear failure, yet it takes failing to learn some of the best lessons. One of mine was learning that asking for help doesn't spotlight your failure; it highlights your humanity and your drive to seek better. Each time I reached out, it was a win, regardless of the outcome.

Embracing the Lessons: What Failure Taught Me:

Alright, lovely, it's reflection time. If I could take my past self aside, the one who was paralysed by fear, drenched in self-doubt, I'd give her a massive hug and whisper, "These failures? They're not roadblocks. They're not the universe telling you to quit. They're precious, sometimes brutal, lessons, shaping you into the powerhouse you're destined to be."

• The Art of Pivoting: One of the first realisations failure thrust upon me was the art of pivoting. Some ideas were my babies, and seeing them not take off was like a gut punch. But here's the twist - failure taught me detachment from the outcome and devotion to the journey. It meant understanding that some ideas won't work, and that's okay! It's all about tweaking, adjusting, and sometimes, letting go.

• Resilience – My Superpower: There were days when all I wanted was to pull the covers over my head and wish away my ambitions. Sounds dramatic? Welcome to the entrepreneur's life! But each stumble toughened my skin, fuelled my resolve. I learned to bounce back, not with blind optimism but with a clearer vision and a fiercer drive.

• Authentic Connections: Oh, the people I've met on this journey! Failure stripped away my pretences, made my communications real. When you've faced your storms, your story becomes something others can weather theirs with. The network I've built out of shared struggles? Pure gold!

• Hello, Innovation: With every misstep, my creativity got a serious workout. Failure stopped being this terrifying thing and started becoming an opportunity for innovation. It was like, "Okay, that didn't work. What can I tweak? What have I not tried yet?" It's amazing how many ways there are to solve a problem when failure stops being a full stop.

• Gratitude for the Grind: This might sound odd, but failure made me grateful. Not in a "glad that's over" kind of way, but in recognising the strength, I didn't know I possessed, the business smarts I picked up, and the incredible individuals who rallied around me. Failure didn't just teach me; it enriched me.

So, is failure comfortable? No way. But it's the most reliable stepping stone to growth. To fail is to learn. To learn is to grow. And isn't growth what this journey's all about? Let's embrace the scrapes and bruises, the stumbles and falls. They're proof we're stretching, reaching, daring. And that’s where the magic happens, in the daring.

Encouraging Bravery: Steps for You to Take Today:

Alright, my brave souls, diving deep into our fears is no picnic, I know. But here's the deal: those dreams you're sitting on? They can't soar unless you do. So, how about we tackle this fear of failure together, starting now? Here are a few steps to set you on your path:

• Pen Down Your Fears: Grab a notebook, find a quiet corner, and let's do some soul-writing. What are you scared of? Write down everything that comes to mind. The ‘what ifs’ that keep you awake at night? Pen them down. Seeing them on paper somehow shrinks them, trust me.

• Chat with a Fear Friend: We've all got that one friend who just gets it. Give them a call, brew some tea, and have a heart-to-heart. Vocalising your fears can rob them of their power. Plus, they might throw in some wisdom you hadn't considered.

• A Mini Risk, Every Day: It doesn't have to be skydiving, folks. Something small, like pitching an idea in a meeting, reaching out to a potential mentor, or even trying a new hobby. Baby steps outside the comfort zone build that bravery muscle!

• Reflect on Past Triumphs: Remember that time you did that thing you were so scared of, and it turned out awesome? It's time to revisit those memories. You’ve conquered fears before; let those victories give you a confidence boost.

• Embrace a Growth Mindset: Failed attempts aren't a siren call to stop; they're lessons. Shift your perspective to see failure as a teacher, not a graveyard of dreams. Every stumble brings a lesson that inches you closer to where you need to be.

• Seek Inspiration: It's a big, wide world of warriors out there. Read up on the journeys of those you admire. Spoiler: their paths were speckled with setbacks, too! If they can, why not you?

• Consider Support and Community: Sometimes, the lone-wolf route isn't the way. Consider joining groups or forums (hey, like the vibrant community at Dreamers, Setters & Go-Getters!) where you can share, learn, and grow with others who get it.

• Commit to the Process: This isn’t a one-and-done deal. Commit to facing your fears, one day at a time. Some days will be tougher, but remember, you’re building resilience, character, and skill.

Ready to take the leap? Remember, bravery isn't about not being scared; it's about being scared and doing it anyway. So, let’s do it anyway. Your dreams are worth more than your fears, always.

Looking Fear in the Eye

So, here we are, friends, at the heart of it all. After all this talk about fear, facing it, understanding it, and even using it, you might wonder, "Has she completely conquered her fear? Is it all sunshine and rainbows now?" To that, I chuckle and shake my head, because, truthfully, fear, my old friend, still drops by for a visit now and then.

But our relationship? Oh, it's changed. Fear is no longer the driver; it’s the companion reminding me that I'm pushing limits, trying something new, and daring greatly. It’s there, but it doesn’t seize the wheel and steer anymore. When it shows up, I greet it, acknowledge it, and then gently remind it that it's the backseat passenger on this journey.

Does it try to shout directions, attempting to navigate? Sure, sometimes. But I’ve learned that I control the route. Some days, I take its cautious advice; other days, I smile, nod, and then blaze my own trail.

And you, my fellow dreamers, setters, and go-getters, that’s the magic you’re capable of, too. Your fear is part of your superpower, believe it or not. It’s a sign that you're stepping out of the mundane, reaching for more, and that's the kind of bravery that writes the best stories.

As we wrap up, I want you to remember: your journey will have its share of bumps, twists, and turns. There might be a few detours, maybe a breakdown or two. But every step, every stumble, and every daring leap forward is painting strokes on the masterpiece that is your life.

So, what do you say? Let's not wait for the fear to fade before we step forward, because, honestly, it may never fully vanish. Instead, let’s take that trembling hand of fear and use it to wave in excitement for our next adventure.

Keep dreaming big. Keep setting those goals. And keep going after them, even when your knees are knocking together. Because on the other side of that fear? That's where the magic happens. And I promise you, it's worth every nerve-wracking, exhilarating step.

And there you have it! A chapter of my journey laid bare for you. But remember, this space isn't just about me talking; it's about us growing together. I want to hear your stories now, the moments when fear gripped you, the times you stumbled, fell, then dusted off and rose again. What does your dance with fear look like?

Please, pour your hearts out in the comments below. Share the strategies you’ve embraced, those that worked, and even the ones that didn’t. We’re all ears and hearts here. What fear are you staring down right now? And how can we, as a community, stand with you?

If you're on the 'gram or Facebook, let's take our connection further. Follow and chat with me on Instagram and Facebook - I promise, I’m all about the real talk, the hard questions, and the celebratory virtual high-fives. DM me; let’s get the conversation rolling beyond the comments section!

But wait, there’s more! If you're about the deep dives, the strategising, and the transformative work, you're in for a treat. I've got some powerful webinars and heart-to-heart workshops lined up just for you. We're talking fear-busting, dream-building action. Want in? Shoot me a quick email at kerry@dreamerssettersandgogetters.com, and I’ll whisk all the juicy details your way.

This journey, daunting as it is, gets a whole lot brighter when we walk it as a tribe. So, let's link arms, dear friends. Here’s to facing our fears, falling, rising, and thriving, together. Onward we march!

Have an amazing week and I will be back with another blog next Monday.

Kerry xxx😁❤️